Today I am 44.
And I am secretly pleased that I haven’t turned out like many adults my age.
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And as I reflect, I am reminded of a deeply solemn promise I made to myself, on a fateful night back when I was around eleven years old.
My family went for dinner at my Aunt’s house, and as per usual the adults broke off into conversation about Adult things, and us children were left to play and explore.
I noticed that some of the older kids were no longer interested in playing, and more interested in listening to and joining into the Adult Speak. I found this a strange thing, and even sadder, was that no one was interested in the gorgeous, mystical full moon, spilling moonlight down through the window onto my cousin’s bed.
As far as I knew, magic was happening! But everyone around me seemed to care more about houses, jobs, school, money, other people’s marriages, and more.
That moment, as I stared out the window, mesmerised at the moon in its full, rounded and enchanting glory, I made a promise to myself:
“I never ever, no matter what, lose my imagination”.
And even though it’s been a long thirty three years since then, I have somehow managed to keep my sense of wonder and magic throughout my journey. It’s one of the first reasons that I consider myself successful.
And now, on my 44th birthday , here are 58 more reasons I’m successful:
I’m successful because I’m not bitter - like so many adults my age.
I’m successful because I honestly believe - I KNOW - that my best years are ahead of me.
I’m successful because my heart is completely open, even though I’ve been utterly crushed and burned by life, and by people, many times.
I’m successful because I don’t hate people and I don’t hate the world (but I am deeply saddened buy it though).
I’m successful because I’m not embarrassed, or sad, or disappointed - in the slightest - about being single and childless at age 44.
I’m successful because I love my own company.
I’m successful because I’m very independent and not needy.
I’m successful because I DON’T have the same culturally conditioned, brainwashed version of success that we women have been taught to have.How can the pinnacle of a woman’s worth and success be whether or not she can and does reproduce, and whether if she is f*ckable enough to attract a mate? You MUST be kidding me!!! LOL.
I’m successful because money is not even one of my top priorities in making a choice. Especially career related ones. And yes, I have suffered low pay and even losing my home because of this. I’m just hopeless at stuffing down my soul!
I’m successful because I laugh easily. Especially at myself.
I’m successful because I’m often overdressed and I couldn’t care less what people think about that - I love fashion!
I’m successful because I’m innately curious, about many things.
I’m successful because I’m not addicted to my phone.
I’m successful because I am reliable.
I’m successful because I back myself.
I’m successful because I like my daily life. And I set it up that way.
I’m successful because I still marvel at the moon, and sunsets.
I’m successful because I have a committed loving relationship with the wind - my favourite element. And also my soul.
I’m successful because I no longer resist being a temporary human in this difficult Matrix world.
I’m successful because I am not ruled by unconscious patterns and past trauma (That I know of! Always more to un peel though).
I’m successful because I get excited and enthusiastic will both small and big things.
I’m successful because people know me as kind. And compassionate.
I’m successful because I often cry with joy, or semi overwhelm, about various things.
I’m successful because I am direct and honest with myself - and other’s. I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. Simple!
I’m successful because I have so much more self self compassion and self awareness than I’ve ever had. I definitely don’t want to be young again!
I’m successful because my laugh is loud and weird and I don’t care.
I’m successful because I can listen deeply and hold space for people, even though this is not often mirrored back to me.
I’m successful because there is no one I haven’t forgiven.
I’m successful because I care about bugs, insects and other beings that I don’t like to kill (although I definitely draw the line at mosquitoes trying to eat me!)
I’m successful because I have successfully overcome several chronic illnesses, as well as anxiety and depression.
I’m successful because I have never made the damaging choices that that have been done to me - violence, sexual assault, betrayal, lying, gaslighting, emotional manipulation and abandonment, cheating, putting profits over people, letting ego get out of control, inflicting trauma, etc.
I am successful because I can manage my finances.
Read on for part 2
I’m successful because I both love and like myself.
I”m successful because I don’t hate men, despite having every reason to.
Im successful because I ask myself the hard questions.
I’m successful because I can moonlight as normal in The Matrix - by getting two degrees, for example.
I”m successful because those two degrees haven’t changed my sense of self.
I’m successful because I’ve downgraded my hate of grocery shopping to a dislike.
I successful because I am definitely not a narcissist. (Ugh! So many out there). And I am adept at spotting a narcissist, especially the Spiritual Narcissist - the worst!
I”m successful because I don’t live in teenage, insecurity, emo brain.
I’m successful because I’m content with small things. And I”m happy.
I’m successful that I survived a Sudden Spiritual Awakening /Cosmic Event - without going insane, killing myself, becoming a religious nut or becoming a hermit - even though it SHATTERED my entire version of reality.
I’m successful because I have no qualms in admitting I was wrong, stupid, or misinformed. I also have no problems with apologising.
I’m successful because I don’t avoid bringing up very difficult and painful conversations and hard topics that need to be addressed.
I’m successful because it’s not often that I get offended.
I’m successful because I can openly admit, without shame, the things I suck at - of which there are many. See here if you want to know my failings.
I’m successful because my relationship with, and my views of Reality and ‘God’ has significantly evolved and changed since I was young. And they are nothing like I was raised to believe.
I’m successful because I DON’T admire people with outwards signs of success (car, money, career, looks, fame, etc )
I’m successful because I have healthy boundaries. (Took a while. It’s tricky. And it takes ongoing maintenance).
I’m successful because I don’t squirm when talking about sex, masturbation, money, politics, religions , all the Original Offenders (although there is a time and place).
I’m successful because (nowadays) I let myself cry if I need to cry, and feel all the feels without judging, shaming or avoiding. This wasn’t easy and also takes ongoing effort.
I’m successful because I know I’m not perfect and there’s always more to improve, and I look forward to the adventure and project that is ‘Angela Yan’ in this life.
I’m successful because I have so much more resilience than ever before.
I’m successful because I’m generally intentional in my choices and actions.
I’m successful because I made it past 30 and I haven’t killed myself.
I’m successful because I am risking sounding arrogant here.
I’ve always been grossed out at conventional ‘wisdom’ and tradition - and now, I have my own, hard earned, tried and tested, version of Success.
But mostly?
I”m successful because I’m nothing like my mum or dad (although I have some qualities in common), but instead I am very much my own person. My unique soul blueprint is playing out. (Finally. Took a lot of unlearning).
What’s your version of success? I’d love to hear it!
Thanks for reading Wild Wise Woman. I’m chuffed that you have given me a fraction of your precious time and energy. Consider a free subscription….
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